Gained and Lost (Many times)
by Filtered Sunlight
Summary: Wolfstar cuteness. Be prepared for a little angst later on. Pretty much how Wolfstar came to be and what happened after true feelings were revealed.
1. Of Bookshops and Train Rides

**I don't own any characters I write about. All this stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling. And I am not J.K. Rowling. If I was J.K. Rowling, I would not be writing fan fiction. Trust me. **

Sometimes, he looks at himself in mirror and frowns. In fact, Remus does this every time he sees a mirror. If you look closely, you can see his eyes trace the long scars that slide over his face and nose. If you look closer, you can see them pause on the little places that his neck has been scraped by 17 years' worth of full moons. And if you look close enough that you are squinting and crinkling your nose and your face begins to look like a dried prune, then you can see the steady furrowing of his brow as he stops and softly fingers the thing he gained when he was five that marks the place on his shoulder that caused all the scars. And if you happen to be present during one of these mirror performances, then odds are good you have noticed that Sirius accomplishes all three steps of staring at Remus as listed above. And usually, Remus will notice, blush, and then furiously attempt that this never happened. Every time he sees a mirror. Clearly, it takes a good while to get through public bathrooms.

This exact thing was happening as the four marauders ambled down the sidewalk, except the mirror had been replaced by a large dark window of a muggle clothing store. Lucky for Sirius (and Remus for that matter), James had been either too far up ahead or too involved in his game of tickle and pinch Peter to notice this little escapade. His noticing most commonly resulted in much teasing and much laughing and much blushing and on one occasion, a very deep conversation about mirrors reflecting alternate universes that contained copies of Remus' and Sirius' and Peters and James' and Lilys that like those James' copies.

Anyway.

Remus' skin tone had returned to its normal color and he had just stopped to look at a muggle book store. The others noticed this pause and doubled back to stand just behind Remus, who for once, was not obsessing over his reflection in the glass.

White letters against green backing read 'Daunt Books'. High, arching windows revealed shelves and shelves of muggle books of every kind. The inside was lit by hanging chandeliers and customers milled around and sat in the large leather armchairs positioned around the shop. It simply seemed to radiate 'Remus J. Lupin'.

"Wow," breathed Remus.

"Boring," moaned Sirius, followed by a murmur of assent from Peter and James. Remus lifted his hand and hit Sirius with the back of it, all the while still looking at the book shop. As if in a trance, he slowly walked through the front door, and a bell tinkled as he pushed the heaving thing aside.

The other three boys trailed in after him, seeing as no marauder goes into anything alone (this rule was sometimes taken to the extreme, for example, when James tried to insist upon them all going into the same bathroom stall. Needless today, he was hit upside the head many a time for that idea.) The noise inside the shop was muted and soft, and the books were stacked on the shelves that soared all the way up to the ceilings. Remus rushed off, his brown hair flying, his knit scarf trailing behind him. Sirius sighed.

"And there goes Remus," he said, rolling his eyes. "I hate coming to London sometimes. Too many bookstores. I'll go get him." And off he went, down the rows and rows of shelves, weaving his way through the people that seemed as though they could be Remus's brothers and sisters.

When Sirius found Remus, he was curled up on a loveseat, book already open, his nose already buried in it.

"Moony," Sirius whined, "I _don't_ want to spend the winter holidays holed up in some bookstore. And there are muggles _everywhere_!" Remus rolled his eyes, but continued to read. Sirius gave up on words, which failed him quite often, and resorted to physical action. He grabbed Remus's significantly smaller arm and yanked him up.

"Pads, no! I want to keep reading! It's such a good muggle book!" Remus struggled, but he was no match for Sirius, whose extra height, weight, and muscle helped his cause. Finally, the two made it back out from the row in which Remus had been sitting and into the daylight where James and Peter stood. James had resumed his game of tickle and pinch Peter, who was squealing and dodging James as best he could. Remus stopped struggling to give a disapproving look at the two of them.

"Last I checked, you weren't three, but actually seventeen, much to the world's surprise, so if you could stop that, I would appreciate it greatly," Remus said, looking down on the two.

"Ha! You're just embarrassed to be in public with us, aren't you Moony?" James said while Peter and Sirius laughed loudly. Then the three of the marauders who weren't mortified joined hands and began dancing in a circle. It was hard to tell, but it seemed that Sirius started the chant.

"We're with Remus Lupin! We're with Remus Lupin! We're with Remus Lupin!" they all chorused.

"Stop it! Stop! This is a bookstore! Stop!" Remus hissed, in a valiant attempt to shut up his friends. Needless to say, it did not work.

"We're with Remus Lupin! We're with Remus Lupin!" they went on, gaining volume.

"No! The manager is coming over! Stop!" but his serious tone was worthless due to the tiny grin creeping up on his face that he was furiously trying to fight.

"WE'RE WITH REMUS LUPIN! WE'RE WITH REMUS LUPIN!"

"Excuse me," said a tight lipped muggle woman whose hair was pulled in a tight bun. She wore a little badge that read _Manager_. "Are you with these people?"

"WE'RE WITH REMUS LUPIN!"

Remus buried his face in his hands.

"WE'RE WITH REMUS LUPIN!"

"I would ask you kindly to leave at once. They are disrupting our store," the tight lipped woman said, shooting a look that Professor McGonagall would have been proud of. Remus sighed and broke the circle of hands. They continued to chant loudly as Remus pulled them out of the bookstore. When they were finally outside, they stopped their song.

"Well what can you expect?" Sirius asked him when Remus glared at him. "You kept us in a book shop for more than one minute. We were bound to lose it sometime soon, weren't we?" Remus tried to fight back a tiny smile, but lost miserably. The corners of his mouth twitched until he was forced to look away. Sirius grinned and they all continued on down the road, talking and laughing.

"You know," Remus began, "It might be a good thing that you forced me out of there. We don't have that much time before our train. James, your parents are meeting us at the station, right?"

"Yeah," James said, glancing over his shoulder. "Once we get there, then we can go over to my house in time for dinner."

"Yay!" Sirius cried, as food was one of his main sources of joy, especially when it was Mrs. Potter's cooking.

"No surprise you're happy, you fat lump," James said, laughing. Sirius lunged at him and pulled his jacket over his head. James squealed helplessly and wildly swung his arms.

"Hush up, you two, you're making a scene," Remus said, whacking James on the arm. Sirius and James paused, looked at each other, looked at Remus, looked at each other, and then jumped upon Remus, who screamed and attempted to fight back against the two marauders who were now pulling his scarf over his eyes. Peter laughed gleefully beside the others, likely happy to simply have been included in their holiday plans to spend Christmas at the Potter's.

Once James and Sirius had finally become bored with torturing Remus, they had reached the King's Cross station, and their layover time between their two trains (the first the Hogwarts Express, which had taken them from school, the second a muggle one that would take the four to Devon, where the Potters lived) had ended and they were just in time to board the crowded train. Their luggage was waiting where they had left it, concealed by a dillusionment charm cast by Remus, who had not wanted to lug their trunks around London for three hours.

The four boys pulled their trunks up the steps of the train while ruffled looking business men and women gave them dirty and bemused looks (they were not exceptionally inconspicuous; from Remus's scarred face to Sirius's madly hooting owl, they attracted attention wherever they went). When their trunks were finally loaded into the overhead racks and the boys had taken their seats, everyone else had already been seated, and the train was beginning to puff away from King's Cross. James pulled out the exploding snap cards from his back pocket, and they began to while away at the three hour train ride, James and Peter playing exploding snap, Remus reading, and Sirius poking Remus in the back, trying to get his attention away from the muggle fiction book he had his nose buried in.

"Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus." Every time Sirius said his name, he punctuated it with a sharp poke. Remus was facing the window, his legs curled up, feet pressing against the side of the train, his back resting on the armrest separating him and Sirius. "Whatcha reading? Whatcha reading? Whatcha reading?" Remus was furiously trying to ignore Sirius's attempts to get his attention, while shielding the cover from view, while trying to pretend to be reading. It did not go unnoticed by Sirius that he hadn't turned a page in ten minutes. "I know you aren't reading, Moony. Why don't you just let me see what you're reading? Come on!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Fine!" Sirius leaned over him and grabbed the book and started prying it from Remus's hands.

Remus's muffled cry came out from under Sirius winter coat. "No! Cut it out, Sirius!" After just a few moments of struggle, Sirius gave a laugh of victory and flipped the book over to see the vivid, deep red cover, emblazoned with black, curly letters that read out: _Where Love Is_.

"Where Love Is," Sirius said in a mockingly husky voice. He sat up straight so that Remus's attempts to retrieve his book were hopeless, and he opened the book to a page somewhere near the end. He read in a high pitched and girly voice. "She walked down the aisle, her eyes trained on the handsome man at the end, clad in a striking tuxedo. When she reached him, she spoke. 'Jimmie, you are the only one I love. I shall never leave you!' Her eyes sparkled as he dipped her into a deep, long-"

"Sirius! STOP!" Remus said, his cheeks bright pink. James and Peter were both doubled up with laughter.

"Why the bloody hell are you reading this muggle nonsense?!" Sirius gasped out, still shaking with laughter.

"I- I- I have to read it for- for my muggle studies class!" Remus said, turning steadily pinker.

"You stopped taking muggle studies last year," Sirius said. "And you're supposed to be the smart one!"

"I'm just reading it, you git!" Remus said furiously, just before snatching back his book. He was blushing furiously.

"Where you reading that book because you like it, or because it makes you think of someone?" Sirius said in a mock contemplative tone. "I don't think you would bury your nose in that garbage just because. I think Moony has a crush." This statement alone was what finally made James and Peter look up in interest. "My dearest companions, we have a mission," Sirius continued, now looking on James and Peter. "It is officially up to us to find out who Moony is infatuated with enough to read that muggle trash."

"You know full well I don't like anyone, you idiot," Remus said, arms folded, looking stubbornly out the window at the passing scenery that was far too boring to be as interested in it as he was pretending.

"No, no, I am absolutely positive that you like someone, Moony," James said, now looking contemplatively at him as well. "Of course, it's me, so you really hopeless. I am miles out of your league." Sirius laughed, but Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah James," he said, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "I forgot to mention it, but I am madly in love with you. Must've slipped my mind." For the next half an hour, they all guessed who they thought Remus's crush might be. They did not, however, ever guess the right person, and they grew bored at about four o'clock, when they finally gave up and went about other things. Remus however, remained quite stuck on the topic, as did one other marauder. Neither voiced what they were thinking, and therefore did not know that the subject of their thoughts was thinking precisely the same thing. They did not know that the subject of their thoughts felt exactly the same. They did not know that both longed to tell the other precisely what they were thinking. The one thing they did know was that the subject of their thoughts was sitting beside them; though in reality they were separated by a mere armrest, it felt as though they were a million miles away.


	2. Of Dinners and Dishes

**I do not own any of these characters (much as I would love to own Remus *pathetic sigh*) Also, I have no beta, so these mistakes belong to me!**

The door creaked open slowly, and a light brown haired boy peered inside the room. He saw a flash of movement and got the impression that Sirius, who had been on his bed, had just hastily shoved something under his pillow. He was now sitting up at attention, looking at Remus, whose head had just appeared from behind the door.

"You haven't seen my book anywhere, have you," Remus said, giving him a suspicious look. "You know, the one you were making fun of earlier."

"Uh- no… why would I have?" Sirius said, edging closer to the pillow in a very transparent attempt to hide it from Remus.

"Oh, no reason," Remus said, deciding to drop it for the moment. There were other things he had come to talk about.

"So… what's up?" Sirius asked, crossing his legs up on the twin bed that sat in the corner of the guest room of the Potter's house. They had arrived a short time ago, greeted by a bumbling Mrs. Potter and her beaming husband and many hugs and handshakes and cheek pinching.

"Oh… nothing…" Remus said, trying in vain to seem casual. "Well, I sort of wanted to talk to you about something…"

"Uh oh. Moony serious face. Here we go," Sirius said laying back on the bed as Remus took a seat beside him. Remus rolled his eyes and looked over to him.

"Well, remember on the train, how you were saying that my book meant I fancied someone?"

"Ooh! You're gonna tell me who it is, huh?!" Sirius said sitting up and looking quite interested, and, although it was harder to see and define, a bit nervous.

"Well, no," Remus said. "I was going to ask you if I should tell that person that I like them."

"Of course you should!" Sirius cried, looking thoroughly exasperated.

"It's a bit more complicated than that, Pads," Remus said, staring down at his folded hands. "I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll hate me-"

"Wait wait wait!" Sirius said loudly, looking stunned. "It's a bloke?! You fancy a bloke?!" Remus looked up, shocked that he had given away this vital piece of information, then buried his face in his hands.

"Yes," he mumbled through his palms. He expected to hear laughter, but was shocked when none came.

"You're- you're gay?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I dunno," Remus said, looking up from his hands. "I don't like labels."

"Well I don't like the guy you fancy," Sirius said, crossing his arms. Remus paused and looked back down to his lap.

"I dunno. You might," he murmured vaguely.

"And why is that?" Sirius replied, still sounding exceptionally stubborn.

"I can't tell you."

"Why?!"

"I'm afraid," Moony whispered, his voice. Sirius looked at him. Tears were welling up in his topaz eyes.

"What are you afraid of, Moony?" Padfoot asked softly, concern lacing his voice. It was rare for Sirius to be so concerned in such a serious (no pun intended) way. Mostly it was the tears that got him.

Damn emotions.

"I'm afraid he'll hate me," Remus's voice broke and the tears spilled over. It was rare for any marauder to cry, but if there was ever a moment for it, this seemed it.

"Who?" Sirius said, trying to catch Moony's eye. Remus continued to look at his lap, the tears dropping down.

No answer.

"Remus. Who?" Sirius finally caught his eye and Moony looked at him for a moment, until realization hit.

"Oh. Ohhhh."

There was a very pronounced silence. Remus glanced up to Sirius's face; his eyes were as big as galleons and he was staring straight ahead at the blank wall across from his bed.

"Really?" Sirius asked, incredulous.

"I knew you were going to hate me!" Remus cried, standing up and heading for the door. "I am really, really sorry, Pads. I am so sorry." He pulled open the door and made to leave, but was stopped by Sirius's voice again. He had not noticed the little smile playing at Sirius's lips.

"Remus! Remus! Stop!" Remus turned around to face him, tears still pouring down his face.

"What?" he whispered.

"Don't go!" Sirius stood up and walked over to the door and shut it softly, keeping both he and Remus inside. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, then closed it. For the second time that day, words failed him, and he leaned towards Remus and pressed his lips gently against the brown haired boy's. He wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's waist. Remus's eyes grew wide with shock, then shut slowly as he leaned into Sirius, placing his hands lightly around his neck, happiness almost gushing from his every pore. The tears subsided.

Remus smiled as he kissed Sirius, and then began to laugh softly, as did Sirius, and soon they had to break apart, for they were laughing too hard with relief and joy to continue. They must have been quite loud, for a moment later James came walking in, looking curious.

"What are you two laughing so hard about?" he asked. Remus jumped backwards, only just realizing he had his hands on Sirius's shoulders still.

"Nothing!" Sirius said far too quickly. James glanced from Remus to Sirius a few times, giving them a quizzical look.

"Okay…" James said, raising an eyebrow before turning to leave the room. As soon as the door had clicked shut, Remus and Sirius stepped back together.

"You really like me?" Remus asked him timidly, his hand reaching up and resting gently on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius's grey eyes searched the golden ones.

"Of course," he whispered softly. It was quite uncommon for Sirius to be so calm and quiet for such a long amount of time; this in itself was proof enough for Remus.

"How long?" Remus asked him, now placing his other hand on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius placed his hands on Remus's waist softly once more.

"I dunno. I can hardly remember a time before I didn't like you. There is no 'before Remus'."

"For me… it was the train. The first time I met you. James was talking, and you were looking out the window and I watched your eyes and I realized that I felt… funny when I looked at you. It took until third year to figure out what that meant," Remus said, right before Sirius leaned into him again and pulled him into another kiss. Remus's lips felt soft and sweet and right to Sirius. Like it was a puzzle piece that fit perfectly onto his. He had kissed plenty of girls; none of them were like this. "Sirius?" Remus said after a moment, and he pulled away.

"Hmm?"

"What about all those girls? All the girls you've been with. What about them?"

"Distractions. Distractions to try and not think about you. To try and convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. It obviously didn't work," he said, looking to a spot over Remus's shoulder, his eyes not really seeing. "I thought- I thought you would never love me. I didn't want to be hurt."

"As if anyone could ever hurt Sirius Black," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"No one but you," he said softly.

"God, Pads, I have never seen you miss an opportunity for a joke before. Nor have I ever seen you act so strange. It's beginning to worry me," Remus said, smiling.

"Fine," Sirius said, a grin sliding onto his face. "Let me correct myself. No one but one specific prefect werewolf bookworm named Moony."

"That's better," Remus said, kissing Sirius again, a bit harder this time. They were interrupted however by a call from Mrs. Potter.

"Dinner!"

As the boys made their way down the hall, Sirius ran to catch up with James to punch him in the shoulder. As he did so, he glanced back at Remus; he smiled softly and his eyebrows raised ever so slightly. Moony turned pink, which was a shade he was becoming quite familiar with.

James glanced across the table at Padfoot and Moony; they were acting exceptionally odd. He didn't know what he saw first. Maybe it was how they looked at each other for long LONG amounts of time; maybe it was how Sirius would waggle his eyebrows in Moony's direction and Remus would turn quite red in the face; no, he was quite sure it wasn't either of those things. It was actually the way Padfoot rested his hand on top of Moony's, seemingly by accident, and didn't lift it up until about five minutes later when his mother started asking Sirius questions about his favorite lessons at school.

Yes, this is what first alerted him that something was up. However, something else confirmed these suspicions; this happened to be when James accidentally dropped his fork and had to dive under the table to retrieve it. He happened to glance toward the place where Remus and Sirius were sitting. Under the table, their pinky fingers were linked together; above the table, Sirius was looking quite pleased and Remus was looking as though he were about to faint from happiness.

The rest of the dinner, James pushed his peas around his plate, contemplating what he had just seen. He was not dumb. Well, by Moony's standards, he wasn't exactly brilliant, but he got just fine grades and acted generally pretty intelligently (no matter what Sirius said), and it wasn't hard to figure out what he thought was true. He didn't love it, but he guessed he was happy his two best mates were happy.

This fact didn't change the level of disgust he felt when he saw them giving each other gushy looks. This led him to start thinking about them doing… things. Things that no one should ever have to imagine their two best friends doing. Things that leave a boy deeply and irreparably scarred.

Shudder.

He tried to push these thoughts away from his mind, but only succeeded in thinking about Peter hula dancing shirtless with a coconut bra on, which was only slightly better.

He was very grateful when his mother asked him about what their plans were while they were there.

"Oh, um, I dunno," he said, getting sidetracked from his original answer when he saw Remus give Sirius a very meaningful look. VERY meaningful.

Peter. Peter hula dancing. Peter doing cartwheels. Peter falling on his face in a pile of snow. A pile of yellow snow. Heh heh. That's better.

He noticed his mother was still looking at him. "We might, I dunno, just hang out around the house. I really don't know." Mrs. Potter smiled. She was fairly used to her son being a bit distracted. It was nothing new at all.

Dinner was finished soon and James and Sirius had been assigned to the job of washing the dishes while Remus and Peter made up the beds in the guest room and in James's bedroom.

Sirius was scrubbing the plates over a sink of soapy water while James dried them all. Neither of them said anything. James was silent due to his curiosity about Moony and Padfoot. Sirius was silent due to his thinking about that aforementioned Moony. James glanced up at his best friend. Sirius's face was vacant but for a small smile that was very 'un- Sirius-y'. James worked up all the courage he possibly had. It took all this to get out three words. Three words that with confirmation would change everything. Forever. Three words that could either be the end of the marauders, or the beginning of a new chapter for them. So much depended on these three words, so it took about ten minutes for James to finally spit them out.

Remus. Remus. Moony. Remmy. Rem. Love. Darling. Sweetheart. Beautiful. Remus. Remus kissing him. Remus holding him. Naked Remus. Naked Remus in bed. In his bed. Remus doing things that he would never tell anyone about. EVER. Remus holding his hand. Remus walking with him. Reading with him. Laying with him. Simple things like that.

Suddenly, there was the clearing of a throat, and Sirius was brought back to reality. He glanced at the plate he was holding, realizing he had not yet washed it. He began to scrub when he heard something. Something that made his heart stop and his brain shut down and made him want to wither up and die. A small group of words that clearly stated 'this is the end'.

And they came from his best friend.

"So, Moony, huh?" This did not outwardly mean anything at all, yet the tone behind it showed the true meaning the true question. Padfoot stared straight ahead. He nearly dropped the white plate in his hands into the soapy water. His eyes were enormous with shock. And yet, after a brief moment of humiliation, something else crept into Sirius's mind. Pleasure.

Pleasure at hearing the fact that it was out in the open, at least to his best friend. Pleasure that there was no malice or disgust behind these words. Pleasure that out of the corner of his eye, Sirius could just catch a tiny smile playing on James's lips. And after a moment, Sirius smiled too.

"Yeah," he said softly, "Moony." Silence fell over them again, but it was not a bad kind of silence. Just a sort of 'taking it in' kind of silence. Just a sort of 'my best friend just admitted he fancies my other best friend' kind of silence.

"Guess what we are," Sirius said, a stupid, goofy sort of smile sliding onto his face.

"What?" James said, looking a bit wary. A smile such as the one on Padfoot's face could mean nothing good.

"Wolfstar," Sirius said, now grinning almost madly. "You know, cause he's a wolf. And Sirius is a star… Wolfstar." James groaned loudly. He covered his face with his hands and resisted the urge to vomit everywhere.

"Pads, you do not understand the pain you have just caused me," James said, his voice muffled a bit by his palms. "I think I may need to be hospitalized. I overdosed on corniness." Sirius punched his arm forcefully.

"It is not corny, you tosser! It is ADORABLE," Sirius said, crossing his arms. James laughed.

"Whatever, you idiot," Prongs said, still chuckling. "How long?" Sirius's smile wavered and turned into a look of embarrassment and a bit of guilt.

"Well, only since six o'clock," he said, looking away from James.

"Six o'clock!? It's been like two and a half hours! And you two were linking pinkies and acting like you had been in love forever!" James exclaimed. Sirius looked up in horror.

"Wait- you saw that?" he asked, fear covering his face. James nodded solemnly. "Oh god. Oh god! My masculinity is ruined! Absolutely ruined! Ugh!" Sirius buried his face in his hands. This was the end. This really was the end. He was going to die then and there.

"Don't worry, Sirius," James said, nudging him with his shoulder. "At least in _some people's _eyes you still are a manly- man." James waggled his eyebrows pointedly.

Gross.


	3. Of Dreams and Hospital Wings

**Last time I checked, I was not J.K. Rowling, so don't sue me. Beta= Nope.**

** Sorry it took SO LONG. I really will be faster most times. Hey! Six days till the full moon!**

**By the way, I checked online for moon cycles, and yes, the full moon for December is on Christmas in 1977, so I am not just being dramatic. **

His brown hair lay gently over his pillow as he leaned back, exposing his neck to Sirius. Sirius kissed Remus forcefully, his mind racing, his heart aching with happiness. Remus moaned softly, and Padfoot was overcome with joy.

"Moony," he murmured into the boy's chest.

"Sirius," came his soft reply. "Sirius. SIRIUS!"

Padfoot's eyes flew open to see Remus standing over him looking a bit worried. Sirius looked around. He was sitting up in his bed, all tangled up in the sheets, which were a little bit sticky.

"You said my name. In your sleep," Moony said, crinkling his eyebrows a bit. Sirius lay back down on the pillow. It had all been a dream. A marvelous, fantastic, totally hot dream. A dream that- wait.

Wait.

Remus. He had seen NAKED REMUS. Alright, a _dream _naked Remus, but a naked Remus none the less.

AWESOME.

Padfoot glanced up to Moony, who was, as always, oblivious to the very obvious truth about what Sirius had been dreaming about. You could always count on Remus to be unable to see the most clear of things, unless it was something school related. Then you were hopeless. Sirius grinned, then realized something else. There was a Moony in his room.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked, looking around for James, who was mysteriously absent from the bedroom that he and Sirius were sharing for the Christmas holidays.

"I just wanted to see if you were awake. Everyone else is already down for breakfast, so I came to wake you up."

"And why didn't James wake me up?"

"I think he was going to, but then I walked in and he ran out muttering something about breakfast and escaping and not having to gouge his eyes out," Remus said, sitting down on the edge of his bed, running his hand through his hair. Sirius tried not to moan.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius said softly, his usually silly and suave persona melting off.

"Yeah?" Remus replied, somewhat taken aback by his sudden attitude change.

"Can I ask you something?"

Remus raised one eyebrow. "Yes, Pads."

"Can I kiss you?" Sirius sat up, looking at the werewolf in a way that Remus (and probably no one) had ever seen him look before.

Moony smiled a tiny smile and gave a soft chuckle. "Yes, Pads, you can." Sirius kissed him softly, but only did this once. Then he broke off and untangled himself from the bed sheets, and sat up so that he and Remus were side by side, their knees touching.

"So, what does this mean?" Remus said, tilting his head slightly to one side in a way that made Padfoot's stomach do a backflip. "What are we?"

Sirius regained some of his usual manner and grinned at him.

"What, so eager to be given the honor to call me your boyfriend?" he said, giving a dramatic hair toss. Remus rolled his eyes. "Because you should know," he continued, assuming a seductive look and taking Moony's hand in his, "the pleasure would be all mine." He kissed the back of Remus's hand and winked before Moony pulled his hand up and wacked him between the eyes.

"No need to go so old school on me," he said, crossing his arms, a smile tickling his lips. "And yes, the pleasure would be all yours; for me, calling you my boyfriend would mean a lifetime of exasperation and annoyance."

"Shut up, you love me," Sirius said, now crossing his arms as well.

"That I do," Moony said.

"So, does that mean that I can go around bragging to everyone that I caught myself a Moony?"

"Only if I can shove it in all those lovesick girl's faces that they never really had a chance," Remus replied.

"Then we have ourselves a deal," Sirius said, pulling Remus into another kiss that would have gone on longer, had Mrs. Potter not yelled up the stairs that their scrambled eggs were getting cold.

As they both made their way downstairs, pinkies entwined, Moony muttered into Sirius's ear, "Why is it that we keep being interrupted by yells about various meals?"

**. . . . .**

The holidays at the Potter household passed fairly quickly. There was a lot of lounging around fires and many games of exploding snap and gobstones and chess. Remus generally tended to conquer anyone when it came to games of chess; however, this was different when his opponent gave him creepy, gushy looks and blew kisses towards him every two seconds. He lost in eight turns.

These stares were usually greeted by a moan of good- natured disgust from James and a squeal of horror from Wormtail, who was not quite as used to these interactions.

Due to their mutual hatred of watching their two best mates go at it with each other, Prongs and Peter had actually written up a contract that outlined exactly what they were not allowed to do in a neat list format. This included, but was not limited to, eskimo kisses (#13), pinkie linking in broad daylight (#8), and snogging (#3). So Moony and Padfoot did everything they possibly could that did not violate the list over the course of the holidays. In fact, that is what they were doing the minute they realized that they had not planned a cover up story for the full moon, which was coming up quickly.

Prongs and Wormtail were seated on the floor on opposite sides of the small coffee table with the ornate carvings in the wood. Remus and Sirius were curled up on the sofa, with Padfoot's arms coiled around Moony's waist, his head resting on Sirius's chest.

They were all relaxing in one of the less large and intimidating rooms that filled the Potter's mansion. There were fewer portraits on these walls, and the ceilings were a bit closer to the ground. The tapestries were a bit smaller than the ones that normally hung off the walls of the more formal rooms, and there were actual sofas in here that were not handcrafted and delicately embroidered works of art.

They had been conversing about nothing in particular, when the subject arose.

"We could just sneak out," Peter offered, but was met with a look of exasperation from James.

"Do you think Remus will be in any fit state to sneak about on the night of the full moon? And what about getting him back inside? How do you think the Potters will react when one of their guests turns up looking like he always does afterwards?" Sirius shot him a fiery glare.

"Remus looks just fine after the full moon! Remus always looks fine!"

James held up his hands in mock surrender, rolling his eyes. Remus sighed; Sirius had always been protective, but sometimes it was just crazy.

"Sirius, you know I don't look 'just fine' after the full moon. Don't lie," Remus muttered into his chest, eyes glancing up at his face. He furrowed his brow and set his jaw. Peter and James exchanged a look. Padfoot stubborn attitude had been activated.

"Yes you do," Padfoot grumbled with the attitude a three year old who knows he is wrong but has too much pride to admit defeat. Remus rolled his eyes.

"We both know you're lying, don't we," he said, his lips quirking into a small smile. He matched Sirius's toddler- like attitude by adopting the temperament of a patient and knowing adult. This was not uncommon. For either of them.

"No," Sirius said, looking away. "Maybe." Moony chuckled softly and sat up so as to kiss him softly and hopefully get rid of his three year old self. Immediately, this was met with a cry from James and a shriek from Peter.

"Hey! Hey! That is in direct violation with the contract that you two both signed last week! Cut it out! You're blinding us!"

Sirius simply gave them both a rude gesture from behind Moony's back, however Remus pulled away, looking embarrassed and a bit red in the face.

"No! You don't have to listen to those two! They don't know what they're talking about!" Sirius said, looking desperate to take back what James had caused.

"No, they're right. And anyway, we need to figure out what to do about the moon. It's coming fast," Remus said, his blush fading.

"Hey! I know!" James said after a moment of consideration. "We can go back to Hogwarts for a the last bits of the holiday. My parents suggested it, in fact. I think they're getting a bit sick of you lot. We can Floo back there, then just do it like we always do."

"God, why didn't I think of that?" Moony muttered, rolling his eyes. "I thought I was supposed to be the smart one." James grinned.

"Don't worry yourself; you _are _smart, it's just that I'm brilliant." Remus rolled his eyes and with a sly look, he leaned into Sirius and kissed him while pulling out their hands, pinkies entwined.

"NO! Stop! I take it back! I'm just an ignorant arse wipe! I swear! You're the brilliant one! Ghaah!" James covered his eyes and toppled backwards, legs flailing wildly.

"Whatever, James," Sirius scoffed between kisses. "I'm burning that contract anyway. Your acceptance is _so _not worth it."

**. . . . .**

"I don't see why we didn't just floo here the first time," Remus said as he stepped up to the fireplace. "It would have been so much easier than the entire bookshop debacle. Now I can never go back there again, and for what? A few really long train rides?"

It was Christmas afternoon. They had just finished a lavish Christmas dinner complete with multiple turkeys and stuffing and enough kinds of pudding to keep Sirius very busy for a few hours. Remus had only managed to eat enough to be sure to spare Mrs. Potters feelings. Her cooking really was amazing, but Remus rarely was able to eat anything before the full moon. It was really a fantastic feat to have managed as much as he did.

"But it was the experience of being embarrassed that made you more manly," Sirius reasoned, rolling his eyes and he stepped up beside Remus, taking his hand. He kindly did not comment on how much he was supporting Remus. The full moon was that night; not much else could be expected. It was a shock he had gotten through the dinner so well.

"Yeah, 'manly'," James scoffed, gesturing at their clasped hands.

"Shove off, git," Sirius said as he took a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the dancing flames, turning them a vivid green. He and Remus stepped in and he called out 'Hogwarts' before they spun off into disorienting half- darkness.

Remus glanced around briefly before stepping out of the large fireplace of the Gryffindor common room. He was relieved to see the red and gold hangings and large armchairs lining the room. Sirius could not always be trusted to get them to the proper place; he had a habit of confusing the fireplaces. Remus remembered the time in which they had ended up in the bedroom of an ancient couple who had not bothered to set up protective spells on their fireplace when the four of them where trying to get to Remus's house. The image of the man and woman changing were forever burned into a dark, dank corner of Remus's mind that no one dared venture for fear of becoming mentally insane.

Sirius's combat boots made a dull thud on the carpeted floor of the empty common room as they stepped out of the fireplace so as to make way for James and Peter, who were coming along after them.

James and Peter swirled into place behind them and hopped out quickly, for moments later, Mr. Potter could be seen spinning into view, the four boys' trunks standing around him.

When each of them had been doled their respective trunk, and Mr. Potter had departed, and the trunks had been set upstairs in their dormitory, they set off for the hospital wing.

**. . . . .**

"I'm not leaving. Just go get something good! It's really not that hard," Sirius snapped, his eyebrows knit and laced with concern.

It was a quarter past twelve on the twenty-sixth, and Remus still hadn't waken up. It wasn't as though it was the longest he had ever been passed out after a full moon, but Sirius was worried. He was worried that something would happen to Remus, and he would lose the very best thing that had ever happened to him, which yes, was admittedly a bit selfish, but before now, he had never had so much to lose. No one had mentioned that being this fortunate caused so many problems.

"Jesus, Sirius, no need to be such a prat. He's done this a thousand times before, I'm pretty sure he's used to it by now. Be nice or I won't get you any dessert," James said, scowling at Sirius, who was seated on the bed beside Remus, whose hair was laying matted on the pillow that was so fluffy it threatened to engulf his face.

"Just go," Sirius said, eyes locked on Remus's wan and pale face. James looked as though he were about to say something else back at Sirius, but Peter grasped his arm and pulled him toward the large wooden doors. As soon as the doors clicked shut, Remus spoke, his eyes still shut, startling Sirius so much he nearly fell off the bed.

"You know, you needn't be so worried about me. I'm fine."

"Christ, Moony! God, you scared me!" Sirius exclaimed loudly, the shock momentarily causing the frown to leave his face, but once he regained his composure, he settled back into his worried state. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Should I get Madame Pomfrey? Where does it hurt?" He said all this very fast.

Remus smiled softly, then opened his eyes and winced at the bright hospital lights. "I'm fine," he repeated, squinting up at Sirius's concerned face. "I'm just glad you're here. How long have I been out?" He took Sirius's hand and rubbed his thumb in little circles on his boyfriend's palm.

"It's a little past noon, so not _too _long," Sirius said. He leaned over and kissed Remus's forehead.

"Yeah, I've been out for longer at one time. And so have you," Remus mumbled, in a weak attempt at humor. Sirius chuckled softly, anxiety still lining his face. Remus scooted over on the bed, making more room for Sirius. He patted the mattress with a bandaged hand and Sirius smiled, the strain truly leaving his face for the first time that day. He lay down gingerly, so as to not disrupt Remus, who winced anyway when the bed was jostled a little. Sirius noticed.

"Oh no, did I hurt you? Do I need to get Madame Pomfrey?" he said, starting to get up. Remus placed a hand on his forearm. That was just about the only thing (besides a _very_ sleeping draught) that could calm Sirius down. He lay back down on the bed, and Remus rolled onto his side so he faced Sirius. Sirius's heart sped up as Remus pressed his face into the soft cotton of his muggle t-shirt. Sirius slid his arm underneath Remus's neck and rubbed small circles on his back.

As Sirius leaned back down to plant a kiss on the top of Remus's head, he muttered into the soft tawny hair, "God help James and Peter if they don't have the good grace not to come back."


	4. Of Lunches and Rescues

**Once again, I am most definitely not J.K. Rowling. And I don't own these characters. I would pity them if I did.**

**Still no beta. No one to blame the mistakes on but myself. **

**There is a little bit more… colorful… language in this one than normal (*cough cough* Snape *cough cough*). Also, I do not support or think that anything that certain characters (*cough cough* again, Snape *cough cough*) say in this chapter. This is only writing, not my world view. Also, I don't think I can bring myself to type… some things concerning sexual orientation, so don't worry. I also am not am not am not trying to offend anyone. Really. Tell me if it is too much, and I will change it. No questions asked.**

**Reviews make the world go round!**

**. . . . .**

"Please, for the love of all that is good and pure in this world, cast a fucking silencing charm!" These lovely and ever so kind words came from the direction of James Potter's bed, in which someone was being tortured to the brink of insanity from the low murmurs coming from the four poster bed in the corner that a certain Sirius Black had crawled into. This bed was not that certain Sirius Black's bed.

"What!?" Sirius cried indignantly. "We weren't doing anything gross! We were just talking!"

It was only a few days back into term, and the other two marauders were already sick of what was going on.

"I know! That was the gross part! You two were whispering stupid things to each other and Pete and I ARE NOT DEAF!"

Remus turned his head upward so he could see Sirius from where it was positioned on his chest. "Sirius, it's not a big deal. Let's just cast a silencing charm. We don't have to put them through this." Sirius groaned, but complied, and reached for Remus's wand on the bedside table. He passed it to Remus, who silently cast the charm and tossed his wand out from inside the red and gold hangings. He then lay back down, relaxing into Sirius's body, which so perfectly entwined with his. Sirius kissed his neck and sent shivers up and down his spine. He let out a tiny moan to which Sirius answered with another murmur.

"Remus…" Remus pressed his lips together and tried to contain himself. He didn't dare let himself get too happy. That might ruin it. It might make Sirius realize that he didn't actually love Remus. It might make him realize that Remus just wasn't enough for him.

So, in controlled little spurts, Remus allowed himself to feel the happiness that Sirius was pressing on him in such great quantities. He allowed himself to feel the joy, but not be carried away with it as he so longed to be. Remus knew his limitations. He knew that the world was limited. And he knew that whatever Sirius said, he too was limited. And there was no way to escape that. No matter what, Remus would never be quite as pure as Sirius was. And he did not really deserve to feel the happiness that was desperately trying to escape through the dark cracks that ran all about him.

As Sirius kissed him, he felt the joy pressing, pushing, fighting to get to the surface, but no matter what, as he kissed Sirius back with all the love he could muster, he did not let the feeling burst through.

And he prayed that Sirius did not notice.

**. . . . .**

"But I've got all my books with me," Remus whined, sounding a good deal like a small child. "And what if someone sees?" Sirius stopped tickling him and trying to kiss him teasingly. A frown overcame his wide grin.

"I thought you said I could brag about you being my boyfriend," Sirius said, brow furrowing.

"I know, but… I dunno. It's not exactly looked upon forgivingly. Anywhere. You of all people should know that. Aren't you afraid to give people that kind of ammunition?" Remus muttered, frowning at his books that were cradled in his arms. "Do you really want people to know?"

"What? Do you think I care what people think? Do you think I'm, I dunno, ashamed of you or something?" Sirius asked, touching Remus gently on the arm. He did not respond. "Really? Ashamed? Of _you_?" Remus looked up to him, chewing on his lower lip.

He shrugged.

"Of _course_ I'm not ashamed of you! I think you are stunning and absolutely unbelieveable! Don't you know that?" Sirius said, now grabbing both of Remus's arms, staring imploringly at him. He looked into Remus's large, amber eyes, searching for some sort of comprehension, but saw only apprehension and something almost like sadness. He pulled Remus's smaller body into an embrace, one hand on the back of his head, stroking his feathery hair softly.

"You make me the most proud. And the most happy. Please, please believe me. You are marvelous. I am the _luckiest_." Sirius said, inhaling Remus's smell. "Come on. Let's show everyone. Let's go."

For the first time in what had seemed a long time, Remus spoke.

"Where are we going?"

"To lunch. We are going to lunch." Sirius's heart fluttered with nerves, but he kept up his confident gait, if only to prove Remus wrong. He placed an arm around Remus waist in a way that could be hardly called friendly. He used one hand to lightly nudge Remus's head on his shoulder, just to clarify the statement.

As they neared the large, wooden doors of the great hall, Sirius's throat constricted. He had not been lying when he said that he wanted to tell everyone of his boyfriend; however, he had not really considered everyone's real reaction until now. And he was a little scared. He took a breath and gathered up his courage as they stepped inside, so clearly as a couple.

All were seated but them. The chatter continued mercilessly, and they paused slightly at the entrance. It took about twenty seconds for everyone to realize what was going on.

They stepped forward.

Silence blanketed the room slowly. Gasps echoed across the vast room as _the _Sirius Black did something unthinkable that sealed the deal. He planted a kiss on Remus Lupin's head. A Hufflepuff girl burst into tears. Hushed murmurs of awe sprinkled the nearly silent landscape.

After about two seconds, havoc broke loose. Screams of people asking if what they had seen had really just happened. Echoes of people calling for confirmation from Sirius and Remus themselves. Shrieks of protest from girls who had been lusting after Sirius for their entire school careers.

Remus and Sirius walked together down the length of the Gryffindor table to the spot where James and Peter sat. James was shaking his head and smiling to himself.

"You two sure know how to cause a riot," he said, chuckling.

"You haven't seen _anything_ yet," Sirius said, grinning mischievously.

Remus's eyebrows raised, but before anything could be said on his part, Sirius had turned to him and was crashing their lips together, kissing him in front of the entire school.

This brought on an entire new onslaught of screams and cries from everyone, however this time, bursts of specific words or phrases were heard above the rest.

Screams of words riddled the generally uniform cry of surprise.

"Fucking shirt- lifters!"

"Perverts!"

"Go to hell!"

Remus pulled himself away from Sirius, his face ashen. He turned back to face his food and stared down at his sandwich. A look of hatred passed Sirius's face, which was so intense it put fear in the hearts of the bravest men. He slid closer to Remus, placing his arm around his small shoulders. He leaned his mouth close to his ear and spoke softly.

"Don't listen to those fucking prats. They don't know what the hell they're talking about. Trust me. They have _no_. _Fucking_. _Idea_."

Remus glanced up and saw that James had stood up, wand in hand, arms crossed, raising his eyebrows for more comments.

Needless to say, none came.

Remus smiled gratefully as James sat back down, but continued to sit with a straight back, fully understanding the fact that stares were boring holes in the back of his head. He glanced over to Sirius, who was also sitting up surprisingly straight (ha ha).

"I don't know how much of this I can take," Remus muttered, looking back at the sandwich he had not touched.

"No!" Sirius gasped. "We have to stay the whole time. Otherwise they win. They can't win." Remus nodded in understanding, resignation on his face. He pressed his lips together and folded his hands in his lap.

It was going to be a long day.

**. . . . .**

"I'll meet you up there, okay?" Remus said, pulling apart from the foursome, all of whom were making their way up to the common room to try and enjoy the rest of their Sunday.

"Are you going to be all right by yourself?" James asked, knitting his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes and forced a small smile.

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to the library. It'll take me five extra minutes." Sirius let go of his hand reluctantly, but continued on with James and Peter. Remus sighed, happy with the extra bit of quiet he had been granted. He turned on his heel and made his way off to the library, where he needed to grab a book for Transfiguration.

"Going somewhere?" a slimy voice asked mockingly from the end of the hall behind Remus. Remus spun around, startled. He turned to face a group of three boys, all of whom had the misfortune of being Slytherins.

"Hello Severus. Lestrange. Avery," Remus said politely, but warily.

"So, Lupin, where's your little gang? Nobody to protect sad, little, sickly Lupin," Lestrange sneered. "Too bad." Remus took a small step backwards.

"We saw your little performance today in the Great Hall. Was that all another little plan created by your idiot little friends, or are you actually a disgusting pervert?" Remus's breath caught in fear.

"Umm, I, uh, n-no. That- that was r-real." Remus forced out, trying to figure out the best means of escape.

"Mm, not terribly articulate without our bodyguards, are we?" Avery leered. "Nobody can touch little baby Lupin with Potter and Black around. But they aren't here now, hmm? No one to protect you now." They had begun to circle slowly around Remus, who had gone still.

Remus's heart was thudding. No one was around. Everyone was outside in the snow, or up in the common rooms, enjoying the weekend. No one was heading towards the library, and the three Slytherins were making escape impossible. He reached into his pocket as subtly as he could, and got a grip on his wand, just in case. He chewed his tongue, as was his wont when in situations like this one. Remus hoped they couldn't see the fear in his eyes. He longed to call for Sirius or James or anyone, but he knew that he couldn't. If they saw any sign of his weakness, they would pounce on the opportunity to attack. So he held his ground and tried to breathe.

"Bet you wish your little boyfriend was here, don't you Lupin?" Snape teased in a baby voice, his eyes full of malice. Remus looked pleadingly at him; he thought he had generally been quite pleasant to Snape. He never got involved in pranks that led to this specific Slytherin's humiliation.

"Please, Severus..." He tried to keep from whining. He took a step towards the boy, but immediately realized that that was a mistake.

"Don't get any closer, filthy half breed!" he snarled. "You and your little boyfriend are sick! Twisted!" Remus's eyes widened with hurt and fear. He had no idea what they were going to do, and no idea how long it would be before he could get away from them. There was no way he could take them all on in a duel; he was an exceptional fighter, however, these three were not afraid to use dark curses. Not to mention they had triple the people.

In a momentary loss of wit, Remus pulled out his wand. The explosion of spells that followed was only to be expected.

"Locomotor Mortis!"

"Conjunctivitis!"

"Sectumsempra!"

Three cries of spells hit Remus at the same time. The world grew fuzzy and he felt his legs snap together. As he toppled to the ground and the darkness began to fill his vision, he felt the cuts run across his torso. Then, the blackness grew too strong to fight, and he gave into the oblivion.

**. . . . .**

Remus awoke to a quiet _snick. _For a moment, he was confused, as it was very dark, then the pain hit him. It was a good thing he was used to waking up feeling like this, otherwise, he might have thrown up with the feeling. Briefly, he wondered why the full moon seemed early this month, until he remembered. He remembered lunch in the great hall. He remembered Severus, Lestrange, and Avery. He remembered what they had said. And he realized not as much where he was as where he was not. He was not in the hospital wing's comfortable beds or in the dormitory. He was in a tiny, dark, silent, room with a very hard floor. Too hard to be the rugs on the floor of the common room. He was not in a corridor, for he could vaguely feel the walls pressed against his feet and touching his head. He gave up on trying to deduce his location. All he knew was that he could not nudge the door open with his back, and he was far beyond lifting his arms to try and do it. And anyway, he was distracted by the words that played over and over in his mind, constantly underscored by the pain that seemed white hot.

_"Fucking shirt- lifters! Perverts! Go to hell! Filthy half breed! Sick! Twisted! Fucking shirt- lifters!" _

The words echoed around his head, bouncing off the edges of his mind and reverberating all throughout his body. Around the pain that was continuously taking over his other senses, he was able to place a handful of other feelings that the words were unearthing. He squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to block the humiliation and shame and fear and most of all sorrow. Sorrow at the fact that he was without his friends, who could easily find a way out of this situation. Sorrow at the fact that he was clearly too weak and obviously too frail to even protect himself from an attack. Sorrow at the fact that when Sirius's face swam into his mind's eye, he did not feel his heart lift as much as sink when he realized what he was putting the boy through. The feelings still covered the backs of his eyelids with swirls of color, and he rolled excruciatingly onto his side, curling in on himself in an attempt to slide back into blessed mental nonexistence.

**. . . . . **

"Oh god. Oh god oh god. Sirius! SIRIUS!" Sirius bolted around the corner of the corridor towards James's panicked voice. His heart was pounding so hard he was sure they could hear it in the astronomy tower. He caught sight of James, who was leaning into an open broom cupboard, The Map clutched in his hand. He skidded to halt in front of the cupboard and peered inside. Peter came hurrying behind him, panting loudly. When Sirius's eyes adjusted to the darkness, his heart nearly stopped.

After Remus hadn't showed up in the common room after half an hour, Peter, James, and Sirius decided to go check in the library. They were sure he had just gotten caught up reading as he did so often. When they hadn't been able to find him there, they asked Madame Pince if the one student she knew the name of had come in recently. It was her denial that he had been in at all that got them worried. One look at the map showed where he was and that odds were good he was not okay. No one stuck themselves alone in a broom closet for no reason. Now, upon seeing the where he had been, their worst fears were confirmed.

"Oh god." Sirius echoed James's earlier reaction.

Remus was curled into the fetal position, and blood was pooled around him. When Sirius gently rolled him over, so as to pick him up, he could see the long gashes that were leaking blood onto his sweater. 'His favorite sweater is ruined.' The odd thought passed briefly through Sirius's mind before he gingerly slid his arms beneath Remus's body and lifted him up. He looked down on Remus's grey face. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open the tiniest bit.

"Oh, no, Remus, no, Remus, stay asleep. Stay asleep, love. Don't wake up now. Don't- don't wake up." Sirius's voice broke.

"Padfoot?" Remus croaked, his eyes still nearly shut. Sirius pressed his lips gently against Remus's forehead and they started off to the hospital wing.

"Shh. I'm here now, Moony. I'm here." He tread lightly, fearful that he would wake Remus and pull him out of the unconsciousness that he was relying on to keep his boyfriend out of pain. It was the only thing he had at the moment that he could trust.


	5. Of Comfort and Revenge

**Yeah, I am still not J.K. Rowling. I'll make sure to let you know if I magically turn into her someday.**

**Beta? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nope.**

**There is a good bit of language in this one, and this whole story is getting less and less funny. I'm sorry. There is some violence in this chapter. I will try to lighten it up a bit later, but this chapter is definitely going to be fairly angsty. Sorry.**

**Be proud of me! I updated only a few days ago, and I am updating again today! Shocker! I know it's late, but this is actually on the night of the full moon, which is really why the update is so soon. I plan to update every full moon, as well as the times in between, so say hooray for Filtered Sunlight staying on time!**

**Pretty please review. I love to hear your comments and criticism. They mean a lot to me.**

**Also, I have decided that this is the end. I love this story and I want it to end in a good place. This is the first thing I have put on here, and I hope my tiny group of readers enjoyed it. Thank you so much!**

**. . . . .**

Remus woke up to a loud snore issuing from the direction of his feet. He opened his eyes and saw the very familiar sight that was the hospital wing ceiling. He blinked in the bright sunlight that fell in a square across his chest and head from the window right above him. After a moment, his eyes adjusted and he glanced down at his feet, in search of the loud noises.

Sirius's torso was sprawled across the foot of his bed, but he was still mostly seated in a chair. He had clearly fallen asleep sitting beside Remus. One of his hands was squashed under his cheek while the other was reached out and curled around Remus's thin fingers. Remus felt his chest fill with adoration as he looked on the boy, bathed in morning sunlight, his ebony hair spread out around his peaceful face.

Remus sat up carefully, but Sirius began to stir the moment he moved. He blinked a few times, staring blankly, until his eyes came into focus on Remus's face and he broke into a sleepy grin.

"Hey, Moony," he said groggily, sitting up in his chair.

"Morning," Remus replied, smiling back at him. The smile faded quickly, however, as he remembered what had happened the day before. There was only one thing he didn't know.

"Ah, Sirius, how did I get here? What happened?"

Sirius's warm grin faltered momentarily, and when it came back, it seemed forced and painful.

"Well," he began, casting his eyes downward, "after you didn't come back to the common room, we, Prongs, Wormy and I, went looking for you. We found you in a broom closet, with cuts on your chest. You were unconscious. Mostly. We brought you here and Madame Pomfrey fixed you up really quickly, but you still weren't awake, and you know how she is about you, plus the moon is in just a week, so she decided to have you stay here for the night. Moony, what happened? Did somebody do this to you?" By now, Sirius's smile had vanished completely, and in its place sat a look of immense concern. Remus looked away from Sirius, pressing his lips together, trying to keep away memories of last afternoon.

"What time is it?" Remus asked, still averting his eyes. Sirius leaned closer to him.

"Did somebody do this to you, Remmy?" Sirius repeated softly. "You have to tell me. Did someone hurt you?" Remus's eyes had begun welling up as yesterday's events replayed in his mind. It was not that he had been hurt that badly; it was only a curse, and he went through worse every full moon. It was simply that he had been too weak and cowardly to protect himself. It made him furious, even though there was nothing he could do about it. He clenched his jaw to keep it from trembling, and after a moment, he nodded softly. He could almost feel the fury radiating off of Sirius, but when he looked back, his face remained the perfect image of calm.

"Who was it, Moony? Can you tell me that?" he asked, his voice wobbling almost imperceptibly. Remus did not respond. "I need to know. I won't do anything. I swear. I just need to know."

Remus sat for a long time. Of course Sirius would do something if he told him who it was. He would probably murder them. And he would, of course, tell James, who would likely help him while Peter watched from the sidelines, cheering them on. The odds were not in favor of the three Slytherin's survival if he told Sirius the truth. And yet, while Remus did not usually care about the well-being of those who harmed him, he did not want to tell Sirius. If he did, Lestrange, Avery, and Snape would probably spout the same insults they had hurled at Remus the other day. And Remus definitely did not want that. If they did say those things, Sirius might realize that they were, in fact, right. It was unnatural for the two of them to be together. In more ways than one. Not only were they two boys, but Remus was also a werewolf. He was a monster; an animal. There was no way Sirius could look past that if Snape shoved it right up in his face. He simply knew that Sirius would no longer love him if he found out exactly what had happened.

Unfortunately, however, there was no way he was going to get out of telling Sirius. He sighed and looked down at his lap. He loved Sirius very much, and it was going to break his heart when all of this was done. He knew that much for sure. He shut his eyes to quell the tears that were, for the moment, unnecessary. He would save them for later.

"Lestrange. Avery." He paused briefly before saying the last name. "S- Snape." He glanced at Sirius's face. It was now pinched and tight. The anger was nearly palpable as Sirius rose, planted a kiss on Remus's forehead, and walked stiffly out of the hospital wing without another word. As soon as the doors were shut, Remus's shoulders slumped and he let the tears run freely down his cheeks. He lay down in the hospital bed and buried his face in the fluffy pillow. He allowed himself one sob, muffled by the feathers and cloth. He then sat up, swallowed, and controlled his emotions. He was exceptional at this. It took him about ten minute before his eyes were dry and the tears were just salty streaks on his face and he looked well enough to leave. He sniffed greatly and got up. He pulled on his clothes in the open, as there was no one else present at the moment. He breathed in and out deeply, grabbed his wand off the bedside table (which someone must have retrieved from the closet), and walked out of the hospital wing. He did not care that Madame Pomfrey had not released him yet. He was fine, and there were far more important things happening to him at the moment. His jaw set, shoulders back, and arms at his sides, he stepped out of the hospital wing and into the corridor, determined to not look sad.

**. . . . .**

"I am going to fucking _kill_ those bastards!"

This cry could be heard throughout the entire common room as Sirius stormed into his dormitory, eyes fiery and face thoroughly livid. This yell was what awoke James and Peter quite abruptly, causing them to scramble up out of bed and up to Sirius.

"Sirius! What happened? Where's Remus?" James asked grabbing Sirius's arm as he slammed his fist against the door in apparent fury.

Sirius's face softened momentarily when Remus's name was mentioned, until, of course, he remembered what he was angry about.

"It was Snivellus! Snape and Lestrange and Avery! They did it to Remus! They hurt him and put him in the cupboard! God, I am going to murder them!"

James face turned white. "_They _did that to him?" he asked, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Sirius nodded stiffly.

At that moment, Remus walked in the room. His face looked completely void of emotion. Sirius spun around, the look of loathing vanishing instantly.

"Moony! Are you well enough to be up?" Sirius asked, stepping to his side and placing his hands on Remus's waist. Remus said nothing. He looked away and nodded. Sirius's brow furrowed. He reached up and turned Remus's face toward him gently. "What's wrong? Rem, what's wrong?" Remus pressed his lips together and continued to avoid Sirius's eyes.

Sirius looked up at Peter and James.

"Would you guys mind leaving for a second?" The two other marauders said nothing and scurried out of the room.

Sirius turned back to Remus. He could see an undeniable sadness in his boyfriend's eyes.

"Did something else happen? Yesterday, I mean. They didn't- they didn't… _do _anything else to… to you, did they?"

Remus shook his head vigorously. "No, no," he said, finally meeting Sirius's eyes. "Nothing like that. It's just… I dunno. Something they said, I guess." Sirius's throat constricted with anger again.

"What did they say to you?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Oh, I… don't remember…" Remus murmured unconvincingly, pulling himself away from Sirius. He walked over to his bed. "We'd better get ready for lessons. We have Defense Against the Dark Arts first thing." Sirius strode over to Remus's four poster and sat down.

"No," he said, pulling Remus down on the bed by his arm, "We're getting into this. What _exactly _did they say to you?" Sirius looked into Remus's enormous brown eyes. They were the only part of him showing any emotion. The oddest thing was, however, that they not only showed sadness, but also fear, and Sirius could not understand at all why Remus would be afraid.

"Well, they were talking about… about you. You and me." Remus paused. "They- they were saying things. Really terrible things about us. About how we shouldn't be together. That we were unnatural." The words began flowing out of Remus, and his eyes grew teary. "That we were twisted. And sick. And remember in the great hall. They said that we're perverts and we're disgusting and I'm afraid it's true."

Tears began pouring now, but Remus's voice remained steady.

"And Sev- Snape means it in more ways than one. We're both blokes and everyone is giving us grief about that and Snape is saying that but more than just that. I could see it in his eyes. When he called me 'half breed'.

"He knows I'm a monster and you- you're perfectly normal and I'm not and I'm- I'm an animal! I don't deserve your love! I don't deserve anything! Greyback made sure of that! He took away my parent's happiness. He took away my family's money. He took away my _entire future_! I have nothing, thanks to him! He took away everything, and he took away you, too. It isn't fair to everyone who is still pure and human. You should hate me, but you don't and you actually want me and it isn't fair! This isn't natural! I'm disgusting! And you know it! It isn't worth it! It isn't worth it to love a disgusting dark creature! It isn't worth it to love your _male _friend! I am not worth it! _I am not-_"

Sirius pressed a hand against Remus's mouth. Sirius shook his head.

"Don't you believe a word of that. Not one word." He removed his hand from the shaking Remus and pressed their lips together. "I _love _you." With that, Sirius stood up and left the room, determined to get back the people who wounded Remus.

**. . . . .**

Sirius stood beside the dungeon, positioned so that anyone who walked out from the common room would likely not notice him, as they would turn the other way; however, Sirius was not completely against hexing a few Slytherins if he was given the chance. He knew James and Peter were just around the corner, waiting for his signal. The signal that meant that one of the three perpetrators was present and ready to be beaten. The longer he sat there, the angrier he got. The more and more he wanted to literally kill them. Especially Snape. He knew how Remus was toward Snape. He wasn't best mates with him or anything, but he never took part in pranks or anything that harmed Snape at all. He was always fair to him. He even called the ungrateful little jackass by his first name. Snape had absolutely no right to do that and say that to Remus. He hurt Remus in such a way that Sirius wondered if he would ever be able to mend him. He wanted to beat the shit out of Snape. He wanted to murder them.

Just then, as he was standing there, thinking about what exactly he planned to do to them, someone walked out. That someone was Snape. Just the person he had hoped to see. His signal was a simple one, so he called out "JAMES!" towards the hallway. Snape whirled around to see Sirius just as James leapt out from the corner and Peter peered onto the scene. Snape sneered as soon as he realized who it was.

Sirius whipped out his wand simultaneous to Snape, a glare like none before slapped onto his face. It radiated pure hatred.

"So, Black. Come to avenge your little boyfriend, eh?"

Sirius shot a wordless curse at him, but Snape dodged it and smirked evilly.

"Mm… it seems I've hit a nerve. And you brought along wittle baby Potter to join in the fun. Where's Lupin? Hasn't he the nerve to accompany his little friends along their heroic and dim witted adventures? Or is he still too frightened from his accident the other day?"

Sirius snarled and whipped another hex at the greasy haired boy. Snape blocked it with a flick of his wand.

"Someone's feeling impolite today, aren't they? You best not do that again, Black, otherwise you'll be so fucked up even your repulsive boyfriend's kisses won't make it better. You know, I'm glad Lupin isn't here. I don't think I could stand that much gay in one room. Ugh. I despise Lupin; foul, revolting, sickening Lup-"

Snape's words were cut off by a fist that collided with his jaw. Sirius's wand had been cast aside, and he had jumped on top of Snape, who was now being beaten bloody by Sirius.

"Sirius! SIRIUS!" James grabbed Sirius from behind. Even for Snape, James seemed to think that what Sirius had done was enough. Sirius struggled against James's grip for a moment. He thrashed violently, but James pulled his arms farther behind his back. Sirius wanted nothing more than to rip Snape apart limb from limb.

"James! You didn't hear what this fucker said to Remus! He BROKE him!" Sirius screamed. Snape was cowering on the floor, blood trickling down his face.

"Remus won't be fixed by this, Padfoot. It isn't helping a thing," James said in an even voice.

Sirius wanted so badly to hurt the bastard lying before him. He wanted so badly to kill him. But he couldn't. Remus wouldn't forgive him if he did any more than he already had. So he stopped fighting James. He went slack, but the look of disgust remained etched on his face. James let go of his arms.

"We don't want to be in trouble. We'd better obliviate this idiot." James gestured to Snape and pulled out his wand. He didn't trust Sirius to do it without killing him. He cast the charm quickly, and while Snape was still in a daze, he gave him a kick for good measure.

Sirius walked a few paces behind James and Peter. He did not want to have to talk to them. Something James had said had stuck with him. _Remus won't be fixed by this, Padfoot. Remus won't be fixed by this… Remus won't be fixed…_

'No,' Sirius thought to himself as he trudged up the staircase towards the fat lady's portrait. 'No. And the worst of it is that I have no idea what will.'

**. . . . .**

Remus heard a knock on the door of the dormitory. He got to his feet, lifting himself off the quilt that had only just started to get warm and walked to the door. He pulled it open to see Sirius standing there, looking down at his toes.

"Do you want to go to breakfast now?" Remus asked before Sirius could even open his mouth. Sirius glanced up, eyebrows raised in surprise, and nodded. Remus grabbed his bag with all his textbooks and his wand placed inside and walked out the door. He stiffened as he felt Sirius's hand close over his. He still loved Sirius, but he was surprised that Sirius still apparently loved him. He had thought that after the things Remus told Sirius had sunk in, Sirius would not be acting so lovey. He thought that after they all sunk in and Sirius realized they were true, he wouldn't ever want to speak to Remus again.

But apparently, that was not the case.

Sirius was holding his hand. Sirius did not show signs of disgust. Sirius was wrapping his arm around Remus's waist, and he was kissing his cheek. Sirius loved him. And that was one thing that Greyback hadn't taken away.

_**End**_


End file.
